Posted by DaisyM on May 1, 2004, at 18:42:30
In reply to How I hate to ask for help! (Long, may trigger), posted by Aphrodite on May 1, 2004, at 8:33:12
Please don't apologize for asking for help. It is the first step to getting it in therapy. I posted lots here as "practice" and took stuff with me into therapy.
I would suggest a conversation that goes like this: "I have been in therapy for 6 months and I still don't think I've told you how much pain I really am in. I am really good at hiding it so I need you to ask me, twice, if I say I'm OK. I also need you to try to take me into the hard topics, because I can't do it myself. But when I leave I'm so upset and frustrated."
I started therapy at the end of last May. Except for a few things here and there I didn't start using therapy to heal until mid Sept. I just thought I "shouldn't" bring up the old stuff because I didn't go into therapy for "that." Once it was out and open I crashed, hard. I'm like you, the go to for help person. I couldn't believe how much it hurt to talk about something that was so old. Then it would get better and then worse again.
I can't imagine doing this without the Therapist I have. He calls me on it when I try to avoid stuff. The hardest part has been admitting how much I need him. He pulled that piece out an inch at a time. And he tells me it is OK.
I was shocked the first time my mind identified suicide as a possible "out" of this pain. It isn't me, it isn't who I am. I ALWAYS keep the faith that it gets better. But not with this, it was just too big. I was really embarrassed to talk about it, so I talked around it. My Therapist was gentle and straight foreword but he let me know it was not unusual to feel like this. He talked a lot about being with me in it, so I wouldn't be alone with my pain.
I still struggle, as you know. This weekend my abandonment flags are screaming high, for lots of reasons. I've gone back to that black place and I feel the pain intensely. I keep thinking I don't want to be in there on Monday and say, "I'm not doing well." I have this fantasy of avoiding talking about my feelings all together. But he won't allow it, I already know it.
I'm 6 months ahead of you. You will get here. but you have to ask for help. Your Therapist can do that for you.
poster:DaisyM
thread:342123
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040426/msgs/342277.html