Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2002, at 9:44:42
In reply to Re: Emotional divorce- Dinah, posted by Pfinstegg on December 8, 2002, at 0:42:45
Was it that recently that I was afraid of getting angry with him? Now I'm afraid I won't care enough to get angry with him. :) But it hasn't happened yet, and I'm going to fight not to let it happen.
I think what happened was the scare at the beginning of November about whether he would be able to continue therapy. It really threw me into shock, physically almost, or into a severe dissociative episode. I'm not sure which. After that, and partly from that fear, I decided to try Risperdal at my pdoc's suggestion (as an add on for cyclothymia in an attempt to stabilize my moods). While I was only on it for a week or two, it totally cut me off from my emotions. When I came off it, I knew something was wrong but I only just figured out that this was it. Apparently the threat (which didn't materialze yet at least) of losing him made me fearful and that fear triggered this process.
So it's my abandonment fears, not my fears of anger that are at the root of this, I suspect. I hope he's competent enough to help me deal with this without losing my attachment to him in the process. Or even better, if he's competent enough to help me rebuild the attachment, perhaps I can rebuild some other attachments in my life. (P.S. You're right about the other "divorces". They all generally resulted from anger issues.)
Thanks,
Dinah
poster:Dinah
thread:1736
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1762.html