Posted by Radish on February 3, 2019, at 9:32:12
So I asked my pdoc for an MAOI for my SA and depression and he gave me the RIMA moclobemide. I was disappointed immediately because I had already read studies that demonstrated its ineffectiveness. Apparently its not even approved in the States due to that. Im in Canada.
Im trying it regardless because my long con is to initially placate pdocs ego and not challenge him and demonstrate I am a good patient in the hope of gaining his favour and getting an irreversible MAOI. I am not certain this will actually work because I dont know if he prescribes them. Hes sort of strange, very reticent, barely speaks just types on his laptop, and seems conservative.
I have been on 150 mg of moc for 3 days and may be having a paradoxical reaction, but I cant be sure. I feel much more depressed than usual and cant think of any other circumstance to attribute this feeling. Normally I think Im only dysthymic because I can still function ok on the weekends and experience some positive? or neutral? emotions (I dont know what it is like to feel normal because Ive been psychologically compromised since childhood).
But today its the weekend and I cant move, get off the couch, think, or speak. Not interested in eating, cant clean up the home. I mean I can literally DO those things, it just takes an immense level effort that I dont have and it all seems pointless.
The impaired cognition is the most upsetting symptom because I cant even talk to people about how Im feeling because I cant process thought into language and then verbally execute it around people. Writing seems to be easier. But it takes so long. And I cant even read like normally, which is the main tool I have for interrupting my negative feedback loop of hellish thoughts. Im in comfort-seeking mode, trying to end my suffering, and I dont have the mental resources or energy to do much else.
I cant be sure the moc is the cause though, so Ill keep taking it for a week, maybe, even though I cant afford to feel worse. Ill give it a good shot because I dont want pdoc to think Im troublesome, seeing as I didnt take the last drug he prescribed, seroquel, for more than 3 days because it was like a horse tranquilizer. Sure it decreased anxiety ... because I was passed the f*** out.
Thank you for reading this wordy rant!
poster:Radish
thread:1103106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20181024/msgs/1103106.html