Posted by Prefect on August 17, 2018, at 21:43:12
In reply to Re: POT and Abilify, posted by Christ_empowered on August 17, 2018, at 20:46:56
Just to give some context so that the severity of my problem can be ascertained...?
20 yrs ago I was I had no mental health problems. I came down with some infection of unknown origin that shot my liver enzymes through the roof (which went back down after a few months). Two weeks after this "infection" I couldn't think, I was constantly dizzy, had balance problems, cognitive problems so severe I dropped out of university and went on government welfare for a year. Was put on 25 mg Fluvoxamine. Gradually "adapted". Went back to college after a couple of years, got myself an engineering degree, still always felt like I'm walking on a mattress rather than solid ground (literally), but paid no attention. Had an 18 yr okay run. Bit of agoraphobia, that's about it. Got married, had a kid, divorced, couple of yrs ago driving to the same grocery store I go to every week, I couldn't find it. I kept driving around and finally ended up on my ex-wife's porch telling her I didn't know how to find the store. It wasn't that I was still hung up on my ex-wife. By then I had found a new girlfriend I was crazy about. Life was beautiful. My brain was back where it was 20 yrs ago. There was a chemical shift. I had to think how to put my underwear on, make my breakfast, and boy the drive to work was a sensory overload nightmare. Pdoc took me off Fluvoxamine, put me on Zoloft. Didn't work. I would dissociate when my amazing new girlfriend showed up until I'd had a half a bottle of wine, and only then could I put a sentence together. After she got fed up with whatever it is I have (took her two yrs of this before she left), I went on a bender. 750 ml of whiskey a day. Lost my driver's license, went on short term disability. Detoxed myself at home, went back to work, got my license back, and I still feel like sh*t and have a bout of alcohol abuse every week or two. I just know how to hide it better now. I hardly see my kid anymore, talking to people agitates me, and I'm constantly in this altered state that I no longer recognize anymore. I DIED two years ago. This guy is nothing but a shadow who gets agitated by light, a TV show, a conversation, oh and DRIVING. I can no longer even put my music on in the car unless I'm completely shitfaced with alcohol, otherwise I get sensory overload. All I know is when I drink alcohol, stuff starts moving again in my head and I start paying attention, and enjoying...and tolerating...rest of the time I'm in a jittery daze. A dissociative nightmare. The only thing that keeps me alive is I don't want my boy asking where I am when I don't show up anymore.
Severe enough?
poster:Prefect
thread:1100407
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20180728/msgs/1100420.html