Posted by Vincent_QC on June 15, 2013, at 11:04:56
In reply to Re: New PDoc RX Lamictal for severe anxiety... » Vincent_QC, posted by g_g_g_unit on June 15, 2013, at 1:14:19
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> well what you are living with is awful, but i don't think it's fruitful to compare situations. i have access to a car extremely rarely and only use it to go to doctor's appointments so i am effectively homebound yes. the thing is i've never really suffered from 'panic attacks', but i do become panicked and experience constant hypervigilance and background anxiety and unease whenever i'm away from home. and i guess i should be grateful i can still drive and do some small things, but on the grand scale, it isn't a life, not whatsoever, particularly when i can't even concentrate or function at home either due to OCD and ADD .. so i'm basically disabled on both fronts.
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I didn't wanted to compare you're situation with mine or minimize it!!! I have a hard time to express myself in English (I speak French), and anxiety worse my cognitive function so most of the time what I want to say in English is not what I can write... I was so good in English before, I had English speaking only roommates for 2 years and 1 boyfriend who spoke only in English also. Since my anxiety is severe it's like I have no memory, can forget a discussion I had 5 minutes ago, can't remember what I read ( if I read the news paper,especially in the morning when my heart symptoms are worse, I will not remember what I read at all and sometimes don't even remember that I open the news paper and read it!!!).So OCD and add is your main diagnosis ? Yes like me, just can go to the Doc appointment by car anymore , sometimes i can stop to the pharmacy for my meds or to the walmart but its very hard... i dont drive but my mom drive me and always on the small roads no highway since I had a major panic attack as a passenger in the car of my mom on the highway back in November 2010 and I faint in the car and after I faint I was sick in the car. Horrible experience so since then I can't go on the highway../ I did try to work on that phobia in therapy and do some exposure but as soon as my mom enter on the highway I feel trap and start having a panic attack so she need to take the next exit to get out of the highway... Never try to go their again since 2 years... Well Last time I go on the highway was with the ambulance, when I had my intestinal obstruction and remember that even with medical staff and monitoring my heart rate in the ambulance I did had a panic attack and my heart rate goes up to 180...
I still have some mild OCD myself but nothing to bother me, when I was able to get out of the house before 2010, I had obsession about locking the door, 1 time on 2 , after I leave the house and drive 15 min, I needed to return home and just check if I the door was lock... Also had to enter in the house to see if the oven was close... Or going to the bank for money, I had to count many times my money, sometimes 20 times or more just to be sure that I had all my money... Put it in my wallet and had to count it again several times later just to be sure... Also the heart obsession, taking my pulse rate all the time just to he sure it's not to high or to slow, taking my blood pressure more than 20 times a day... Was able to so taking my old pressure at home for some months a while ago but now it's back... Always worried about it and the pulse rate... One PDoc I had in the past made a diagnosis of ADD without hyperactivity... We tried some meds me Ritalin, concerta, adderall, and find out it was giving panic attack on me so the PDoc remove is add diagnosis saying that I had poor attention because of the anxiety...
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> i'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. you're right anxiety is awful. strangely, i live in such a noisy, crowded, overstimulating environment that i do actually crave being alone because at least it allows me to concentrate a little. but it's such a pointless, humiliating, frustrating existence .. i'm surprised i haven't cracked yet, but i've tried most pharmacological solutions and honestly can't envision living much longer in this stateI can understand you on that, Iived in a bigger city downtown and I was always full of people's and noise everywhere... With the social phobia at the end I wasn't able to leave my appartement... I was so tired to see all those people's and not being able to walk alone on the street without freaking out and thinking that everyone was laughing at me or looking at me, and all the noise, it's drive me nuts... So back in 2007 I choose to stop the university and return living with my parents... We live outside Quebec City, no noise, not a lot of people's outside... At the beginning I felt better but since 2010 even if I still live with my parents in a calm environment, every small noise like a phone ring , loud music, family dinner, it's making me feel so bad and anxious... I can't live like that anymore... But the bad news is that I'm not suicidal at all, I'm afraid to die, it's my biggest fear so I can't commit suicide... and don't want to... I always hope that one day I will wake up and feel good... But I know it will not happen and that I will probably need meds all my life to have that severe anxiety under control...
I'm tired to not have a life, I want to work again, I want to return to the university and finish my bac in urban planing, I want to participate in that society and stop feeling guilty cause I'm disable from work and not useful... I want to have friends again, good ones this time, I want a social life, ok I have a family but I want friends outside my family and so I want to have a boyfriend... Feel that someone love me and appreciate me for who I'm really are and also have so much love to give... But I know that I need to feel good with myself first before being able to have new friends and someone to share my life...
Well sorry again if I compare your situation with mine, I really didn't wanted to do that... I'm not like that...
Give me some news about how you feel and also you can babblemail me if you want... Sometimes speak with someone who can understand you can make you feel better and less alone...
Take care -:)
poster:Vincent_QC
thread:1045150
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130527/msgs/1045337.html