Posted by francesrose on August 7, 2008, at 22:05:27
I had my first bout of depression/anxiety when I was 21 (I'm 38 now). I suffered a major loss and then moved away from all of my support systems and subsequently had a major depressive episode complete with full-blown panic attacks. I landed in the hospital for a nice ten-day stay. At that time, the hospital pdoc told me that I had a problem with being too dependent on people and that I needed therapy. And I had severe abandonment anxiety. He sent me on my merry way with a prescription to get therapy and learn how to be more independent. I went back to my hometown and started intense therapy (three times per week) and also gave up drugs and alcohol (I couldnt drink/drug my pain away anymore). It took me a year to get to a point where I was somewhat functional, though I still had low-level anxiety and depression. My GP during that time didn't want to prescribe any medication because he didnt believe in it (I think that was kind of the norm in the early 90s?) he concurred with the pdoc that all I needed intense therapy and I would be fine. Looking back on it, I see that I would have had a much easier time if I had been on medication, but cest le vie.
Anyway, since then I have gone up and down with anxiety and depression. I have done extensive therapy with and without medication. My medication history consists of Zoloft, a very brief stint with Effexor, and Prozac/ Wellbutrin combo. The Zoloft worked great at first, but then I gained 50+ lbs and got sluggish and zombie-like. Effexor was awful. I was prescribed Prozac & Wellbutrin after being officially diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety and it worked well for a while until I had major life-stress happen, then I turned into a nervous wreck.
I havent been on any medication for over a year and life has been absolutely miserable for the past seven months. I finally made an appointment with my GP to discuss medication again.
Lately, I have come to realize a few things: 1)I am a very anxious, nervous person and am more prone to an anxious-type of depression, rather than melancholy depression. I am a very edgy and irritable and I stress-out too easily. I think I am seeing, for the first time ever, that what I have is not temporary or situational. 2) I have a pattern of blaming my job for my depression/anxiety. I have quit so many jobs in past ten years because I stress-out and freak-out. I want to stop that pattern.
So, to get to the point, I need some input. I guess I am concerned about where to go from here. If I am more prone to an anxious type of depression, should I take Wellbutrin and Prozac? Wellbutrin makes grouchiness worse, but that side-effect seems to subside after a few months and I love the focus it gives me - it slows my brain down - plus no weight gain. Prozac got a little wierd for me - border manic episode when dosage was increased to 40mg? I don't know, but didn't like it. I liked Zoloft because it took the edge off, but didnt like the weight gain and zombie-ness. I just worked my butt off to lose 55lbs this past year, so I really don't want to pack the pounds on again.
I want to be able to relax and enjoy my kids/husband/life again. I want to be able to stay at a job for longer than two years. I want to stop freaking out.
Advice is appreciated and thanks for reading this far.
poster:francesrose
thread:844879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080805/msgs/844879.html