Posted by anxiety66me on February 23, 2004, at 16:18:44
In reply to Re: help! problems, posted by obSession on February 23, 2004, at 8:29:25
I understand....I have the same problem that you people have. Whenever I visit NYC I feel so comfortable and talk to random people on subways; but at home, on campusI clam up (Thank god I am graduating in 2 mo!). My husband calls me anti-social. It is very hard and I can't stand how I am.
I hate being on campus. I thought that after highschool it would end, but I can never run away from who I am. Some SSRI's have helped, but the side effects are too much for me to keep taking them.
My therapist says that I wear a "mask" for the different types of people I encounter (I am a phoney). He said, for example, that when people are on a job interview they make sure to be very polite and may act differently (wear a "mask")than if they were with their friends on a weekend night out (act like themselves without fear).
But, he pointed out that I put on the same mask that people usually save for job interviews when engaging in conversation with everyday people. I act how I think that they want me to act. It has a lot to do with what people think of me. I am SO afraid they will think negative things about me that I don't speak a word. All that doubt makes me so nervous.
If someone approaches me to have a conversation I am so nervous that my reply comes out gargled and incoherent. My heart races and my mind is flooded with horrible perceptions of myself.
The thing with the city is- I know that I probally won't EVER see that person, so I don't care what they think for once. It feels SO good.
The therapist made a good point. These people 99% of the time are NOT thinking the negative things I think that they do about me. They are more concerned with their own problems and stuff to give a crap.
Hey, that's what therapy is for and I am working on the exact same problem.
poster:anxiety66me
thread:316757
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040223/msgs/316894.html