Posted by Rainbowlight on February 20, 2003, at 1:42:42
In reply to Re: Ritch » Rainbowlight, posted by Ritch on February 19, 2003, at 9:07:18
I totally understand what you are saying. Seems there is no easy answer to this huh? I think you are right, if you get to the point to where you don't care what others think, then you start making bad judgements and choices sometimes, because that level of judgement is gone (or at least altered). Kind of like making a decision after getting high or something. My last year of feeling good and numb was kind of like being on a beer buzz (3 beers! - as he describes ZOloft) and now I am coming down hard, looking around at the aftermath (most of it was good stuff) but kinda scary. Yet fun and adventurous! Nothing illegal or trouble causing or any of that stuff. I'll tell you, anything that can make me "like" my relatives is worth every dollar! LOL! I think I am just looking for something to relieve the endless rumination in my head. I describe it to my husband as though I am riding a rollercoaster and I can't get off. I just keep going round and round. I am so tired from it. SO tired from the endless med changes/doctors/sleep problems/side effects, and on and on. My soul feels sooo old inside, like I have been through so much in such a short life. Everyday I try to get up and pretend I am normal, do things normal people would do, and it never works. I always have to do them in my own way to be able to fit everything into this disorder. It's like two steps forward, one step back. And sometimes one step forward, two steps back. In the words of a U2 song "running to stand still". Sorry for venting. I am down tonight. Meds messing with me a bit, keep wanting to cry but not sure why. SO many things laying heavy on my heart.
poster:Rainbowlight
thread:201373
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030219/msgs/202071.html