Posted by agnes on November 3, 2002, at 15:42:29
Hi,
This year I found myself slipping into depression again after twenty years since the previous severe episode.
Twenty years ago, the treatment I recieved was thorazine and I felt like a zombie, and - even though I felt as depressed as before the meds - I felt too apathetic to express any of these feelings.
My solution was to take myself off the meds, and hope for the best, meds-free. This worked OK (with occassional low points) for twenty years.
At the beginning of this year, the depression was getting beyond my control. My GP suggested paroxetine/paxil, stating that meds have moved on since the 80s. I reluctantly started on 10mgs, and after two weeks moved up to 20mgs.
For the first six weeks paroxetine seemed to work quite well - with aspects like my shyness and lack of energy. It felt like a missing piece of myself had been returned to me.
But on the down side, although I wasn't sleeping well before paroxetine, the meds slowly destroyed my sleep patterns. I couldn't sleep at night, as a result of extreme nightmares. On two occassions I found myself sleepwalking - which I have never done before.
After three or four months, I found my motivation levels had dropped to a new low. Getting out bed seemed impossible - even to use the toilet or to get a drink. These tasks would take an hour.
I went back to my GP and the dosage was increased to 30mgs - which was what I wanted, as I thought my depression was getting worse.
After a week of 30mgs a day, my sleep disturbances and demotivation had intensified further. My physical health was starting to deteriorate (enormous weight gain, painful joints from being bedridden).
I decided to stop taking the meds - I went cold turkey, not having heard that it should be done gradually. (bit worried now - does rapid quitting have any side effects aside from leading to more severe withdrawal?). My doctor's response to my actions was dismissive, and she did not suggest any further treatments, aside from suggesting St John's Wort. (I am not taking any meds now, including St John's Wort.)
I have experienced the normal withdrawal symtoms (electrical sensations, nausea, twitching). I find the electrical sensations have become more noticable after three weeks of quitting than at the beginning. Nevertheless, I do feel that I am getting past the withdrawal symptoms.
My sleep has improved tremendously, and this helps me cope with daily life. I am more motivated, and feel that my depression has gone into the background for now.
I do feel that I am less depressed after a period of taking paroxetine, and I also do not feel the intense shyness and self-consciousness any more (the shyness could have been part of the depression).
Paroxetine may have helped alleviate my depression, but the side effects for me became intolerable. I struggled to have a sense of identity, with powerful changes induced (perhaps) by the drug.
poster:agnes
thread:126295
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021101/msgs/126295.html