Posted by xjs7 on March 15, 2002, at 19:58:58
In reply to Why do we feel guilty for taking meds?, posted by beardedlady on March 15, 2002, at 17:12:37
Hi Beardy,
I also have had the goal of getting off all medication ever since I took my first psychotropic pill. I think this sort of goal is very common, especially as taking psychotropics is seen as a sort of crutch.
I think my aversion to taking so many pills for my 'condition' is that I made it through many years without the drugs. I was perfectly fine for 18 years, and then I'm suddenly not. In my mind I link the medications to my condition, and think, illogically, that if I just stop taking the medication I will go back to being mentally well, as I was for most of my life.
In my case, I think the public stigma of mental illness plays little part in my aversion to the drugs. I really don't care what the people at the pharmacy think of me when I fill prescriptions for 3 or 4 mind-altering drugs.
I simply have an inveterate, idealistic notion that somehow I can discard my depression, anxiety, and purported psychosis by flushing hundreds of dollars of pills down the toilet. I tried the flushing thing once, and lived though Hell for it.
Taking the pills validates my illness, and destroys my attempts at denial--how I would love to deny everything! I feel guilt because by taking my medication I feel as though I am accepting all the ugly labels the psychiatrists have given me. If only I were 'stronger,' perhaps I could pull off the maverick thing and be 'independent.'
xjs7
poster:xjs7
thread:98191
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020313/msgs/98224.html