Posted by JahL on May 15, 2001, at 19:47:48
In reply to Re: Reward Deficit Syndrome. » JahL, posted by Ann NY on May 15, 2001, at 18:34:30
> > J.
> > Your situation sounds so sad, I'm sorry you feel so empty (?). You've never been happy? How old are you?
Mid-twenties.
> >I hope you fall head-over-heels in love soon. That's always a good six week high. Do you trust people? (pls. ignore all if too invasive)
Nothing to hide.
I trust those who earn my trust but yeah, I give most people the benefit of the doubt
I LOVE women, but w/o emotions (a biological symptom not unlike the affective flattening seen in schizophrenia) it is physically impossible to fall in love (lust is slightly different tho' ;-) . However that's not so much an emotional reaction as animal instinct).> > In addition to brain chemistry, it sounds like your psyche is crying out for help.
I can see how you'd think this but I only gave these rather personal details in order to contextualise, or frame, my (controversial) question.
You would not believe how intact my psyche is! I've handled some pretty heavy sh*t with honours:-) .*Nothing* fazes me.> > If your Mom has similar problems, maybe she wasn't capable of giving you - a child - the essentials, love, intimacy, affection and all reliably so.
I didn't know she suffered from depression until I was 18. She hid it. I couldn't put it into words how great a mother she is.
> > Did your family know you were suicidal at 6 years old?
Perhaps an idea but I wasn't deeply depressed @ the time & seemed a contented kid.
> > You may want to read some books by John Bradshaw. He has some interesting views and he's an easy read. I don't agree with everything, but he has helped both me and my sister understand ourselves much better which is a good spring board to recovery and happiness.
Good. Therapy & self-help books aren't my bag however. Been there, done that :-). My illness is highly biologically-orientated (no self-esteem probs etc). I am a fully paid-up member of the 'Med-heads' society! Mood stabilizers are currently damping down the suicidal thang. It's only my opinion but I believe psychotherapy & the like *rarely* 'cure' depressive illness.
I'm not being facetious when I say the average psychotherapist would learn much more from a session with me than I wld with them. I stump them, but can dismantle *their* personalities with ease. In the end it became a kinda sport.
> > I too never took hard drugs because I was afraid I'd like them too much.
I can honestly say that I would not be half the person I am were it not for my hard-core drug experiences. I met some good people thru them. Not recommened for everyone of course.
> > Try to stick with your good instincts for awhile longer.
We'll see :-)
> >Yes, opiates and cocaine were anti-depressants in pre-1900's Europe and China, but lots of Chinese women would commit suicide by overdosing on opium. I know you're desperate but it may not be the best alternative for you while you're feeling suicidal.
I've tried opium. Slept thru it, but v. nice %-)
> > Please don't despair. If you shoot yourself acute procrastinators like myself [[ me too ]] won't be able to read your posts (instead of writing a term paper). I've had those thoughts too but the future does bring hope.I'm not about to shoot myself. Too much self-control for that. Just a (n irrevocable) decision made 2 yrs ago that should *all* treatments fail, I'm outta here. If I'm at a party & I'm not enjoying myself, I leave. No biggie.
> > Hope you'll be feeling better! Hang in there – and keep us posted!Thank you for yr kind words; I'm hanging with a firm grip!
J.
poster:JahL
thread:17065
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010515/msgs/63159.html