Posted by Steffany on March 2, 2001, at 19:28:07
In reply to Re: 'virtual' therapy » Steffany, posted by Cece on March 2, 2001, at 1:11:29
hi cece. that's a very good idea, actually--to ask 'dr. bob' (he seems like this weird entity to me, who comes in every once in a while to ask people to be nice to each other in their postings, but i also understand he's a psychiatrist at u of c). anyway, since we're in the same state, even, i think there's a good chance he would know of someone over here (we don't have a med school, but i know there's a psychology doctorate program) who might be good for me, maybe even (dare to dream?) a psychiatrist instead of just a psychotherapist. i'm going to write him right after this. thanks for the idea.
i had a great doctor in my old hometown--i mean, she was a g.p. and so her scope of action was inherently limited, but within it she did everything she could for me and in a really caring, non-judgmental way... (i think the only thing that ever annoyed me about her was that she always said "if i had my druthers..." i don't know why! :) anyway, she's the one who followed up with me on the wellbutrin and klonopin; after my suicide attempt i went straight to the local doc-in-the-box (one of those medcenters that are open on saturdays and will always give you tylenol 3's if you ask) and he gave me a week's worth of wellbutrin and told me to go see a real doctor. so i did. she was really great and has seen me for free when i was uninsured, without ever telling me that she wasn't going to bill me, thus sparing me the embarrassment... that was really kind. and i appreciate her 'trusting' me with the klonopin despite my drug abuse history, understanding that i have panic attacks that just don't respond to buspar. i guess i was relieved to be getting my meds from a gp instead of a pdoc b/c i'd had such bad experiences w/pdocs in the past... and that's just chance, but it really soured me. i hated how they could play around with my life... i'd come in and say, "i don't like this (zoloft, luvox, whatever, fill in the blank): i feel like a zombie and i can't concentrate and i can't have orgasms and this really bothers me..." and they'd say: "okay. well, let's try raising your dose for a few weeks and see how you do then!" that was just awful.
next week i'm actually going to see my current doctor... she's just an internist assigned to me by the insurance company. she doesn't speak english very well which makes me wonder a little about communication issues (besides the general possibility that, like any gp, she might not know much about psychiatric conditions and meds). the reason i'm going to see her is that i want to try adding 5 mg of adderall 2xday to my regimen, at least for a month. i guess all i have to go on with this is trial and error, but whenever i take half of one of these pills (my boyfriend takes them for ADD) i feel the way i did in the first months when wellbutrin was first kicking in for me... calm, focused, un-self-conscious, not terrified of really random human contact like saying hi to co-workers or calling for a pizza. these symptoms have become really distressing--the social phobia and kind of self-absorbed embarrassment which often prevents me from really listening to whomever i'm talking to--b/c i'm too busy thinking about how stupid/hateful/ugly i must seem. obviously, these aren't issues that can simply be changed by adding an amphetamine to one's daily drug diet. but for the time being, at least, it seems like a step in a positive direction... if this doctor goes for it, of course. i'm not sure about how popular it is to prescribe these medications for conditions other than ADD, which i don't think i have. but we'll see. at any rate, it's worth a shot; i'm just starting to feel the spring 'illies' come on again, this happens pretty much every year but this time i just feel determined not to give into it and go on drug binges and tell the people at work i have mono so i don't have to come in every day (i've used this excuse for two springs now... it's just not that funny anymore.)
i really wish you all the best in finding your new doctor. let me know how it's going. i've noticed that many people are lucky enough to develop 'real' relationships w/their pdocs... which i guess are outside the realm of friendships and romantic relationships and family, so it's just not something i've ever experienced. but it sounds really good, and i hope you find that in someone else.
-steffany
poster:Steffany
thread:54711
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010302/msgs/55385.html