Posted by tina on July 31, 2000, at 15:16:00
Hi everybody: I am so pissed off today. I have been riding a really good high lately, for about 11 days since having my meds increased but today, I'm starting to crash. I have been finding it hard to concentrate, focus and I'm tired and irritable and depressed. I feel stupid and pathetic. Why can't the high's just keep going? Why do I always have to come crashing down into the pit again? I thought I got off that roller coaster finally but here it is again. I just want to scream obcenities at the top of my lungs and pull my hair out. Gone back to the cutting thing too and all last night I thought about ways to "get hurt" I was away this weekend and I waterskied and went swimming in the lake and I was going over and over in my head most of the night how if I had just let go of the rope closer to the dock I could have smashed into the cement moorings and bashed my head in or broken a leg or something. Same with the swimming. There were so many power boats in the water and jet-skis and I was thinking if I just duck under the water maybe they'll run me over and chop me into little pieces. I don't really want any of this to happen, I just haven't thought about physical harm in a while and now it's back.
Will it improve again or is my med pooping out on me.
900mgs of moclobemide BTW is what I take and 2mgs of clonazepam spread out over the day. I start therapy next week but I have little hope in that regard. I've been through it before, 4 times and it ain't helped yet.
Just had to ramble, thanks to anyone who read the whole thing.
Love you guys
Tina
PS---sorry G, had enough on your plate today
poster:tina
thread:41870
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000729/msgs/41870.html