Posted by Jennifer on July 11, 2000, at 1:24:55
In reply to Re: SLS - Prayer. Is it scientific?, posted by SLS on July 10, 2000, at 8:16:16
Scott,
>
> Yes, I find praying for others to be extremely easy.As do I, so know that you are deeply being prayed for tonight.
>
> I find it very difficult to pray for myself. I am not very religious, but I am spiritual. I use the word God freely, as it suits my spirituality. I established a relationship with God a long time ago, and have made my peace with Him regarding the life I have been chosen to deal with. I figure that He knows what I want and what I need, so why would I need to pray to Him on my own behalf?Perhaps because He does know what you want, and what you need, but He also gave you free will. Those choices put before us are always so difficult. On the days (or nights) that I don't want to be here anymore, I wonder if He knows how much pain I feel. But he must. He knows that I will think of all that I have, and that I have things to finish. Sometimes I wonder if I have to deal with this because he knows that I can. If suffering on earth is rewarded in heaven, then I'm really in for one heck of an eternity. Obviously he has more faith in myself than I do. I have been working toward having more faith in Him, although it is difficult. I have always had my own spiritual side, but have found myself needing to be more "religious". Is it because I need more strength than I think I have? I have to drag myself to church (when I go), but then something is said there that hits home. Brings down that "wall of protection" as you stated. I really think that in praying for yourself, you get little hints in which "choice" to make each day with your free will.
>
> This was a change for me, yet it was soothingly familiar. It felt good. I haven't prayed for myself since. I guess the wall of strength and independence has been raised again. It serves to protect me in some way. I feel less vulnerable and more apt to persevere through pain. I feel as if praying for myself is an admission of defeat and represents a step along the way towards losing my battle for life. This feels safe, but I guess it doesn't feel healthy or right.I had to delete part of your message so I wouldn't read it again. I found myself near tears and with that "heavy chest" feeling, knowing exactly how you feel. I can't stand it. At any rate, I don't feel that praying for yourself is an admission of defeat. To be defeated, you would have nothing left, and He knows that you do. Perhaps by praying He can help you "feel" inside the reason to continue, instead of despair and defeat. I'm having quite a hard time with this message. I'm sorry. But it just hits to close to my heart. Sleep well. Pray hard. Live. Jennifer
poster:Jennifer
thread:39404
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000708/msgs/40032.html