Posted by Noa on February 27, 2000, at 7:37:08
In reply to Re: He's OK, posted by AprilA on February 27, 2000, at 7:17:29
April, I am sorry you had such a hard night. I was worried, too, but because of yours and Janice's posts, I was able to sleep.
I had already gone to bed before Vesper posted, but was having some "restless legs" (courtesy of Effexor plus some Coke I had at dinnertime), so I got up and signed on again, to find V's post, which had posted about 15 to 20 minutes earlier, I think.
I think it was lucky Janice was around. Otherwise, I don't know what I would have done. I thought about calling UCLA, but had no idea what info I could give them, as I don't know his real name either.
I tried emailing him, but for some reason, my email wasn't going through.
As for the feelings this engendered--anger, helplessness. I know you saw only the "sweet" feelings, but last night's post did make me angry on top of scared. When V did not check into the hospital after Janice helped, I was a bit irritated, but know he was distracted by his friend. I think of it this way: the frustration I feel must be just a shadow of what he feels about himself.
Still, it is reasonable to be conscious of what each of us can tolerate. For example, when Janice offered the help she did, I hope she did it with the awareness that he might not make use of it as she would like. I don't think V is trying to be manipulative, but perhaps the back and forth and up and down, and especially the dump and run, can feel that way, as you said last night. The question is, how can we be compassionate and still protect ourselves from feeling "abused" as you put it?
And, I think your questions for the board are good ones. Can we develop a way to deal with this kind of thing? I don't know. But it is definitely worth exploring more. I hope Dr. Bob will be part of this discussion.
poster:Noa
thread:24194
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000220/msgs/24251.html