Posted by Racer on July 2, 1999, at 17:57:06
In reply to Re: It's gotten worse., posted by Dr. Bob on July 2, 1999, at 14:18:41
> > This is so bad. I don't want to survive this day. It's just too bad to go on with.
>
> If it's that bad, you probably should consider being hospitalized. Better safe than sorry. Please take care,
>
> BobI almost went up to the hospital today. This was my regular day for giving blood (apheresis), so I was near the hospital, and considered going up there and telling them to check me in. On the other hand, I don't want to be there. Here, at least, if I get an ounce of motivation, maybe I can do something that might improve my life, like clean the cat boxes or something. There, nothing good will happen.
Here's the thing: I went three weeks ago and talked to a doctor there in the psych emergency department. She said, outright, that even if they did check me in, no one there would consider changing my medication since it was prescribed by one of their doctors. She told me outright that I would have to go to the doctor who has been treating me and get her to do something. I don't know what she expects this babe to do, besides driving me closer to the edge every time I'm unfortunate enough to have to speak with her about anything at all. I don't really see the point of being locked up, just to come back feeling just as bad. If I thought they would do anything helpful for me there, I would have gone today.
This whole system is making me crazy. Or at least, crazier. What I want to know is what happens to other people? I'm highly intelligent by any standards, I have experience in getting through bureaucracies, I know how to escalate up through the ranks until you get an answer that works. What happens to people who can't do that? If I didn't have enough of that inside me, I'd have killed myself before now. At least so far I've been able to start turning my anger in a more appropriate direction.
I really can't believe that that pathetic excuse for a doctor would tell me that wanting to kill myself is a sign that the drugs are working! What, she thinks that I should kill myself? Am I really that bad? (OK, some little voice in my mind tells me that she's jealous. I'm tall, very slender right now from the depression, and pretty if you like the Jody Foster/Bridget Fonda type. I'm also very smart and very articulate. I don't suffer fools gladly, and can't always hide that. She's got a medical degree, and that's the only thing I can see that she's got going for her. I know that six months ago, when I first tried to switch doctors, that other people have had similar complaints about her. Still, this is just too much.)
Thank you all for responding. I wish one of you worked in this damn county system! Maybe then I'd get some relief.
poster:Racer
thread:8123
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990628/msgs/8167.html